The Letter to the Hebrews
Honor Marriage Through Sexual Purity
Hebrews 13:4
Let’s turn to Hebrews 13. If you need a Bible, go ahead and raise your hand and we will bring one to you. In the Bibles we are passing out, Hebrews 13 is on page 1009.
One thing I love about the book of Hebrews is that it shakes up our picture of Christian fellowship. It’s easy for Christian fellowship to become casual, shallow, surfacy. But in chapter 3 of Hebrews the author says that in our fellowship we should --
… exhort one another every day, as long as it is called "today," that none of you may be hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. (3:13)
And in chapter 12 he says we should --
See that no one fails to obtain the grace of God … that no one is sexually immoral or unholy like Esau. (12:15-16)
So fellowship is serious. Now it’s not just serious. It’s also joyful and loving. There will be food and laughter and fun. But it’s also serious, because when we gather as brothers and sisters on Sundays, in our home groups, in our DNA groups – we are to help each other battle sin.
And one sin that we especially need to help each other battle is sexual sin. This is especially important because sexual temptation can be so powerful – and with the internet it can be so accessible.
So we need to learn how to battle sexual temptation ourselves, and we need to learn how to help each other battle sexual temptation. And the author of Hebrews helps us do this by what he writes in Hebrews 13:4. Look at what he says --
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Because he talks about marriage, you would think this command is just for those who are married. But that would be a mistake. Notice that he says “let marriage be held in honor among all.” So all of us are called to hold marriage in honor. But what does that mean?
Let’s tackle that as our first question -- What does it mean to hold marriage in honor? If we just focused on that first phrase, we could think he’s just talking about how we all need to have a high view of marriage and speak about marriage in honorable ways. And that’s true and biblical.
But if we read the rest of the verse, we can see how that is not his main point. Read the whole verse again --
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
That phrase “marriage bed” refers to sexual relations in marriage. So he’s definitely talking about the sexual practices of married people. But he’s not talking just about married people. He’s talking about both married and unmarried people.
The reason I say that is because he uses both the words “sexual immoral” and the word “adulterous.” The word “adulterous” is the narrower word, referring only to married people who are sexually unfaithful to their spouse. But the word “sexually immoral” is a broader term which refers to both married and single people and all sexual activity which occurs outside the context of marriage. So it would include premarital sex, casual sex, pornography, lust, and self-gratification.
So the focus of this command is a call to both singles and marrieds to avoid sexual sin. All of us – if we do not commit sexual immorality or adultery – will honor marriage and keep the marriage bed undefiled. And all of us – if we do commit sexual immorality or adultery – will dishonor marriage and defile the marriage bed.
So for example, if a married man or woman has an affair – they are dishonoring marriage and defiling the marriage bed. That’s obvious.
But this also means that –
· When a man, single or married, clicks on porn – he’s dishonoring marriage and defiling the marriage bed.
· If a couple hooks up with casual sex – they are dishonoring marriage and defiling the marriage bed.
· If a married or single man entertains sexual thoughts about a woman who is not his wife – he’s dishonoring marriage and defiling the marriage bed.
Now it’s obvious how an affair dishonors marriage and defiles the marriage bed. But how does premarital sex or using porn do that?
What helped me was to think about what the Bible teaches about marriage. But first, a word to single people. Singleness is a wonderful gift and calling from God. And it’s crucial to understand that marriage and romantic love is not what will satisfy our hearts. Only Jesus Christ will satisfy our hearts. So if God has called you to singleness, your heart can be just as full as the heart of a married person.
But having said that, marriage is a precious and beautiful gift from God. Marriage is God’s idea. It’s God’s plan that a man and a woman fall in love – and commit to each other before God that for the rest of their lives they will love and cherish and be faithful to each other. Picture a man looking into a woman’s eyes and saying – I commit before God to be faithful to love and cherish you exclusively for the rest of my life. It’s breathtaking.
And the man is called to lay his life down for her, and take responsibility to lovingly lead her and provide for her and nurture her and the family. And the wife is called to encourage and support and nurture his leadership.
They build each other in trusting Christ – sharing Scripture together, praying together, weeping and laughing together. They work together to bring their children to faith – loving them and playing with them and reading God’s Word to them and praying with them. And they work together to make disciples who make disciples for the glory of Jesus Christ.
And through all of this there is an astonishing closeness, joy, camaraderie, affection, delight – there is no other human relationship like marriage.
And to bless this closeness, and increase this closeness, God gives marriage an amazing blessing. The gift of sex. Sex is God’s idea. He created it for marriage. God wanted to give marriage a unique closeness and pleasure and intimacy and fun – and a way to make babies -- and so he created sex, and gives this gift to a husband and wife.
And sex is only for marriage, because it brings such intimacy and closeness and vulnerability that it needs to be protected by a lifelong commitment.
So sex is a precious, holy gift that God gives to marriage. And so any pursuit of sexual pleasure outside the context of marriage dishonors God’s plan for marriage and defiles what God intended only for the marriage bed.
Think of it like this. Let’s say when you were growing up your father had a baseball signed by Mickey Mantle worth lots of money. And it was kept in a special plastic case on a stand in the family room. And your father says – you can enjoy this baseball all you want, but only if it stays in this case in the family room.
So later that day, you go into the family room, pick up the case, and sit on the couch, and enjoy that baseball. You are honoring that Mickey Mantle baseball – you are not defiling that baseball.
But what if the next day when your dad’s not home, you think it would be fun to take that baseball out of its case, outside the family room, and use it to play catch with some friends out in the street. So you play catch – and it lands in a puddle. And then it bounces on the street so the signature gets scuffed off. You are not honoring that Mickey Mantle baseball – you are defiling that Mickey Mantle baseball.
Same with sex. God has carefully placed this precious gift in the protective case of marriage. So when a man, single or married, refuses to click on porn – he is honoring God’s gift of sex and not defiling what God reserved for the marriage bed. When a dating couple refuse to become sexually involved – they are honoring God’s gift of marriage and not defiling what God reserved for the marriage. When a man refuses to entertain sexual thoughts about anyone except his wife – he is honoring God’s gift of marriage and not defiling what God has reserved for the marriage bed.
But if a man clicks on porn, if a dating couple get sexually involved, if a man pursues sexual thoughts about any woman other than his wife – then they are yanking sex out of the protective case of marriage. They are dishonoring God’s gift of marriage and defiling what God has reserved for the marriage bed.
So the author is calling us to honor God’s gift of marriage, and not defile what God has reserved for the marriage bed, by pursuing sexual involvement only in the context of marriage. And then the author tells us why this is so important --
Why must we honor marriage, and not defile it? Read v.4 again, and notice the reason he gives --
4 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
The reason is because God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. But that raises a crucial question. Doesn’t Paul say there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. Yes, he does. And that’s absolutely true. There is NO condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
But the question is – how can you tell whether or not you are in Christ Jesus? It’s not that you have to be perfectly free from sexual sin. But it’s because you trust what Jesus Christ says about sex – and so sexual sin is now your sworn enemy – and you are saying – by God’s grace, NEVER AGAIN. If that’s in your heart then that shows your faith is genuine, which shows that you are saved, and in Christ, and face no condemnation.
But if in your heart you are holding to porn, planning on continuing that affair, planning on continuing to have sex with your girlfriend – then you have no reason to think you are in Christ Jesus, because you are not trusting what Jesus Christ says about sex. If you trusted what He says about sex, then you would hate sexual sin, fight sexual sin, and if and when you sinned you would repent of that sin and get back into the battle against sexual sin.
So the author wants to warn us of the reality of God’s judgment, so we will see how crucial it is that we battle sexual sin. So this raises one last question --
How can we battle sexual sin?
Let me give you a couple suggestions.
First – embrace Christ’s forgiveness for your past. You don’t need to overcome sin to be forgiven. You overcome sin by being forgiven. So the first step is to be forgiven, by coming to Christ as you are – repenting – confessing – and receiving His full and free forgiveness.
Second -- pray earnestly for God’s power. You can’t overcome sexual temptation by will-power, by gritting your teeth, by trying harder. You need the power of the Holy Spirit to so satisfy your heart in Jesus Christ, that you can turn from sexual temptation. So pray earnestly. God promises to give you all the power you need.
Third – trust Christ to satisfy your emotional desires. Part of sexual temptation is emotional – your heart is looking for some pleasure or thrill to satisfy you or relieve your stress. The good news is that Jesus Christ can fully satisfy those emotional desires in Himself.
Now this will take effort. It’s a battle. But as you seek Him in prayer and the Word – He will so satisfy you emotionally with His glory that your heart will be filled, your stress will be gone, and you need nothing else.
Fourth – endure the physical desires for Christ’s sake. Sexual temptation is not just emotional. It can also be physical. This is where your hormones are kicking in and you feel the physical desire for sex. You should not feel guilty about that – any more than you feel guilty for the physical desire for food.
So what should you do about these physical desires? They will not go on forever. Your body will deal with them. And in the meantime you let your desire to honor God’s plan for marriage – and your longing for more of Christ – strengthen you to endure that discomfort until it passes or until it can be pursued lovingly with your spouse.
Fifth – receive encouragement and prayer from others. Men, ask other men to help you. Women, ask other women to help you. We were never meant to be the Lone Rangers battling sin all by ourselves. Let’s humble ourselves and ask each other for help.
Sixth – eliminate unnecessary sexual temptations. I’m talking about song lyrics, movies, television, internet, relationships. If your hormones have kicked up a fire, that’s hard enough. So why pour gasoline on it?
Seventh – if you are married, work together to help each other not be tempted. Husbands, initiate a conversation with your wife where you talk about your sex life. How could you help each other? Seek to serve each other. Seek to bless each other. And it’s wonderful when sex is spontaneous. But there’s nothing wrong with a little scheduled spontaneity.
Questions?
Jesus Christ has forgiveness to cover every sexual sin – and he’s got power to conquer every sexual temptation. But we have to come to him humbly, repentantly, trustingly. So let’s do that now.