James: A Letter from Jesus’ Brother
The Cause of Quarrels – James 4:1-10
Let’s turn to James 4. If you need a Bible, go ahead and raise your hand and we’ll bring one to you. James 4 is on page 1012 in the Bibles we are passing out.
I recently applied to renew a life insurance policy, so this last week a medical examiner came to my house. She asked me a bunch of questions, took blood samples, and then she hooked me up to a portable electrocardiogram machine – which printed out a 3-foot long strip of paper showing the pattern of my heart-beat.
The reason she did that was because the pattern on that strip of paper will show them the condition of my heart: one kind of pattern would show that my heart is doing great; another kind of pattern would show that my heart has problems.
The reason I mention that is because in James chapter 4 he gives us a spiritual electrocardiogram. He says that if we are involved in a fight or a quarrel, that pattern shows that our heart has serious problems. Serious problems. And in these verses James tell us what those problems are, and how Jesus can set us free from those problems.
Notice what James says in v.1 –
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you?
So James wants us to think about quarrels and fights. So how could we tell if we were involved in a quarrel or fight? Sometimes it’s obvious, like if we punch someone out. But there’s more subtle signs:
You speak to someone in an unloving way.
You give someone the silent treatment.
You slander someone to someone else.
You feel anger towards someone.
You nurse a grudge against someone.
You want to get back at someone.
You avoid someone.
You want harm to come to someone.
So if any of those are going on with you – then you are involved in a quarrel or fight.
And what might spark a quarrel or fight?
Maybe your wife is taking a long time getting ready to leave for the beach.
Maybe your husband isn’t taking the time to really connect with you.
Maybe your child didn’t clean his room.
Maybe someone at work talked about you behind your back.
Maybe someone said something hurtful to you.
That sort of thing.
So some of you are in a quarrel or fight right now, and all of us have been and will be. And James starts off helping us understand what causes quarrels and fights. What is the cause of quarrels and fights? Before we look at how James answers that question, let’s think of how we usually answer it. If you are quarrelling and fighting with someone – what’s the cause?
The cause is them, right? It’s them – what they did or didn’t do. My husband doesn’t spend enough time with the kids; my wife is not ready to leave for the beach; that person talked behind my back – that’s why I’m quarrelling. The cause is them.
But James says no; the cause is not them. Look at v. 1 --
What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you?
So the cause of quarrels and fights is not them; it’s something inside me. It’s that inside me I have passions -- desires – that are at war.
So what kind of passions and desires are at war? Unfulfilled desires. Frustrated desires. So James is saying that the cause of quarrels is frustration over unfulfilled desires.
You can see this in v.2 -- “You desire and do not have [there’s frustration over unfulfilled desires], so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain [there’s frustration over unfulfilled desires], so you fight and quarrel.” So every time you are in a quarrel or fight it’s because you have frustration over unfulfilled desires.
Now James is not saying the other person is blameless. James would certainly want you to go to them and try to humbly and lovingly work this out. But James’ point is that if, instead of going to them humbly and lovingly you are quarrelling and fighting with them -- it’s because you have frustration over unfulfilled desires.
Let me illustrate this. Let’s say you drive home from work, find that your kids’ bikes are in the driveway, and you blow up at them with harsh words. You’re fighting and quarrelling. So what’s the cause?
You might think it’s that they left their bikes in the driveway. But when you look down into your heart, you find that there’s something deeper. Maybe you really wanted to get a project finished at work and turned in on time – but at
So you were a fight or quarrel waiting to happen. It could have been bikes in the driveway, or a late dinner, or anything. But the cause is not the bikes or the late dinner – the cause is your frustration over your unfulfilled desire.
To prove this, think of what would have happened if you had gotten the project in on time, and on the way home you got a voice mail from your manager, thanking you for your excellent work, telling you it’s going to be sent to the CEO, and that your future in the company is looking great. Think of how you would feel. Now, when you see bikes in the driveway, will you blow up with harsh words? Nope. Why not? Because there’s no frustration over unfulfilled desires.
Whenever you are fighting or quarrelling the cause is that you are frustrated over unfulfilled desires.
But James wants to probe deeper – so he asks -- what causes frustration over unfulfilled desires? Look at the end of v.2 --
You do not have because you do not ask.
So the reason you are frustrated over unfulfilled desires is because you have not asked God about them – you have not brought these desires to God in prayer.
You want to leave for the beach but your wife is not ready – but you have not brought that desire to God in prayer. You want your husband to take time to listen to you -- but you have not brought that desire to God in prayer. James says that’s why you are frustrated.
But James knows there are people who have taken their unfulfilled desires to God in prayer -- but they are still frustrated. So the problem is not just lack of prayer. In v.3 James says the problem is the wrong kind of prayer:
You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
The problem is that we asked, but we asked wrongly. We are praying so that we may spend it on our passions.
That is a puzzling statement. James has just said that we are supposed to ask God concerning our passions. But we should not ask "so that we may spend it on our passions." James is saying that whenever we have unfulfilled desires we should pray, but the main focus of our prayer should not be those unfulfilled desires.
So what should be the main focus of our prayer? James says there’s something else God will give us far greater than satisfying our unfulfilled desires. What is that? Look at v.6 --
But he gives more grace. Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble."
What God wants to give us is grace. And James explains what that is in v.8 --
Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
What God wants to give us is the grace of His nearness -- which is more satisfying than any other desire you’re frustrated about.
When you humble yourself before God, put your other desires aside, and seek Him, God will give you the grace of His nearness. And God’s nearness will always completely satisfy you – even if your wife is still not ready for the beach, even if your husband is not listening to you, even if someone is giving you the cold shoulder. God’s nearness will always satisfy you.
So if I am quarrelling with my wife on the way to the beach because she took so long getting ready, it’s because I have frustration over unfulfilled desires. And the reason I have frustration over unfulfilled desires is either because I have not prayed at all – and just sat there fuming. Or it’s because I have prayed more about her hurrying up than about God’s nearness – “God, make her hurry up! Help us get to the beach! We are wasting time!” I’m lacking God-centered prayer. Either I have not prayed at all, or I have centered my prayer on my frustrated desires instead of on God’s nearness.
But James doesn’t stop there. James digs even deeper. What causes lack of God-centered prayer? OK -- so I am in a quarrel. And I now understand why: it’s because I am frustrated over unfulfilled desires, because I have lacked God-centered prayer. So why do I lack God-centered prayer? James gives a sobering answer in v.4 --
You adulterous people! Do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?
Let’s say your husband is not taking time to connect with you, and your response is to not pray at all, or to focus all your prayer on your husband changing – and you are not seeking God for the heart-satisfaction of His nearness. If that’s your response, James says you are a spiritual adulterer.
An adulterer is someone who seeks his satisfaction in someone other than his spouse. All through the Old Testament Israel is said to be engaged to God, betrothed to God, married to God. That’s the picture James has here. You were created to seek your heart-satisfaction in God alone, because God Himself can completely fill you, and only God can completely fill you. So if I’m seeking my heart-satisfaction somewhere other than God, I’m a spiritual adulterer.
So now we’ve gotten down to the root issue. But if I am in a quarrel or conflict with someone, it’s because I’m frustrated over some unfulfilled desire, which is because I’ve lacked God centered prayer – which means I’m seeking my heart-satisfaction in something other than God. I’ve sought my heart-fullness in my wife being ready for the beach on time; or in your husband really listening to you; or in that person in the home group warming up to you. So when I lack God-centered prayer, it shows that my heart is seeking satisfaction in something other than God.
And James wants us to feel how serious this is, and so at the end of v.4 James says that “whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.” If I’m seeking my joy, my fullness, my satisfaction in something other than God – I’m making myself an enemy of God.
Why? James tells us in v.5 --
Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, "He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us"?
Notice that the word “spirit” has a lower case “s.” The reason is because here the word spirit refers not to the Holy Spirit, but to your spirit: your desires, your heart. So God jealously desires your spirit – that your spirit seek its satisfaction in Him.
But God’s jealousy is not like ours. We’re jealous to get something. But God is jealous to give us something. And you can see what He’s jealous to give in v.6 –
But he gives more grace.
So God is jealous – burning with passion -- to give you the grace of His nearness.
Now, if God is jealous – burning with passion -- to give you the grace of His nearness, then when you turn from God you are opposing His burning passion, which means you are being hostile towards God, which makes you an enemy of God. Which is why James then quotes from Proverbs 3:34 in v.6 –
Therefore it says, "God opposes the proud [who don’t seek Him], but gives grace to the humble [who do seek Him]."
So in vv.1-6 James tells us that if we are quarrelling and fighting then there’s something seriously wrong with our hearts. Quarrelling and fighting shows that we are seeking our heart-satisfaction in something other than God. Why? Because what causes quarrels? Frustration over unfulfilled desires. And why am I frustrated over unfulfilled desires? Because I lack God-centered prayer. Why do I lack God-centered prayer? Because my heart is seeking satisfaction in something other than God – which, unless something changes, means that I am an enemy of God who will end up being opposed by God.
So what can we do? Let me use one specific example – and if this doesn’t apply to you – make the appropriate adjustments. But let me focus on husbands: let’s say you are fighting and quarrelling with your wife because she took a long time getting ready to go to the beach.
James says that the fact that your fighting shows that you are frustrated about an unfulfilled desire – the desire to leave and head to the beach. And the fact that you are frustrated about not being able to leave and head to the beach shows that you lack God-centered prayer – because if you had been praying in a God-centered way – your heart would have been satisfied in God. But your heart is not satisfied – which shows you have lacked God-centered prayer.
And James says lack of God-centered prayer shows that your heart is seeking satisfaction in something other than God – which makes you a spiritual adulterer who’s on the way to becoming an enemy of God. So this is serious. What should you do?
James tells you in vv.7-10 --
7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
8 Draw near to God, and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
9 Be wretched and mourn and weep. Let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
10 Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.
First -- submit to God. Agree with God's diagnosis of your heart. “My heart has not been centered on you. I’ve been seeking my joy in going to the beach when I wanted to; instead of seeking it in you. I am committing spiritual adultery. I am in danger of making myself your enemy.” Humble yourself before the Lord, mourn and weep for your sin against Him, and because of Jesus’ death He will exalt you – forgive you, help you, fill you, and satisfy you.
Second – resist the devil, and he will flee from you. When you are in the car waiting for your wife you can feel overwhelmed with impatience and anger. You can feel like your heart will never change. And it’s true that at that moment Satan has a powerful hold on you. But Jesus has broken Satan’s power. So when you resist the devil, and call upon Jesus for help, the devil will lose his hold on you.
Third – draw near to God, and He will draw near to you. Pray something like this: “Father, you know that I’m dying to leave for the beach. But I know that leaving for the beach when I want to will never satisfy my heart like you will. So I do pray that you’d help my wife finish up what she’s doing. But more than that, I pray that you would free me from my impatience, and satisfy me with yourself right now. Draw near to me. Pour your love into my heart. Help me.” “Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.” He will.
Questions?